we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
