loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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