I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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