There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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