my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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