what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
