My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
