what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize