Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
