writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
