one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
