Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
