she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
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