there's paper in my vomit.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
