you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
