While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
