Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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