She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i think i just lost a toe
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
