I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
