I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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