AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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