Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
