i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
