obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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