If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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