She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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