Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
