just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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