so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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