Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
