I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
