phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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