i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize