Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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