Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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