My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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