Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
