I wannas sexs uuuuu
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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