God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I intend to get homeless drunk
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The Olympian is in my bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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