Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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