We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
