After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
