Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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