do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's shark week go big or go home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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