Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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