I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize