i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
