i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
