Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
