So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
