Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
