I must be too annoying 4 u.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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