My nipple is on Facebook.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
