you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
