You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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