ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
