Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize