I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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