so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
