i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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