She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
